This week I...

...experienced first uncomfortable flight. Wiggled butt down Chapel Street. Fell in love with Melbourne...again. Planted long-time-coming kisses on girlfriends' faces. Drank Moscato. Drank champagne. Drank beer. Toasted love and the institution of marriage. Danced like a hoochy. Had my shoes stolen. Drank champagne again. Fell asleep in the middle of a party. Laughed with friends about it later. Regretted the champagne. Wallowed in self-inflicted pain. Jumped back on the wagon. Played tour guide. Bought retro alarm clock. Bought huge watch for $25. Realised two of the dials on said bargain watch painted on the face. Laughed about it. Wrote a column story about "faking it".  Was reminded about how beautiful my friends are. Felt sad when they jumped on a plane back to Cairns. Wrote feature about chick love. Sat in an airport for five hours. Hugged sister. Cried watching Les Mis 25th anniversay concert. Ranted to bestie about Joe Jonas casting. Went to sleep singing "Castle on a Cloud". Got a surprise call from ex. Secretly smiled about it. Wrote a column about my mean streak. Sang "Who am I?" in shower. Realised object of lust is married. Realised object of lust has kids. Laughed at myself. Wrote a column about it. Got attacked by a magpie...again. Dressed wound. Nursed ego. Laughed with my housemate about it later. Was reminded how lucky I am to have such gorgeous flatmate. Wrote story about sharehouse horrors. Finished final uni assignment. Clicked heels together on handing it in. Bad knee gave way and I fell. Laughed. Wrote story about shame. Let that old seductress in the sky kiss my skin. Danced with the devil. Ate a kebab.

Where else but Queensland?

Though we protest the sniping and snobbery of our southern friends, there’s no denying Queenslanders have always relished their inherent underdog status. From Cape York to Coolangatta, maroon blood flow througheth our veins. Unsurprisingly, Queensland is better known for its cauliflower-eared State of Origin behemoths than its world leading creative industries princincts and unique emerging cultural scene.

To quote columnist Michael Hodges of Time Out, grey old inner London "is a perfect place for the miserable … [but] it's being miserable that gets things done. No one comes to the capital to be happy. They come here to do stuff."

This idea is reinforced by psychology Professor Joe Forgas's recent work at the University of NSW, which suggests not only that grumpiness can enhance cognition but also that grey, rainy weather improves memory and acuity, while sunny weather encourages forgetfulness.

In other words, there's what feels nice, and there's what gets stuff done.

This may help explain why Melbournian culture is traditionally more fertile than that, shall we say, of sunnier climes. It may also explain why a modicum of repression seems historically to act as a creativity enhancer. Take that, self-congratulatory southern cities!

Queensland is considered one of the world’s most beautiful tourism destinations and it isn’t difficult to understand why. Unfathomable stretches of mysterious, untouched tropical wilderness lie just beyond our back fences and the Pacific Ocean softly caresses our feet while we dig our toes into creamy-white sand and bask in the dreamy kiss of that old seductress in the sky, 300 days a year.

It’s ironic then, that the root of the “banana bending bogan” stereotype we so vehemently deny lies in the very things that make the Sunshine State such a desirable holiday destination today.

Let’s be honest. Only here would an 18-year-old university student be infamously bashed by police, hospitalised, then charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest only to go on to become one of the state’s best loved and longest serving premiers. Even the genetic mastery demonstrated by our own Miss Universe Rachel Finch wasn’t enough to distract Australia’s media from the beauty’s distinctly nasal northern twang - enough to make even the cheese-eating pageant circle cringe. Where else but Queensland, ay?

- snippet from Metropolis Metamorphosis (Lara Lavers for FROCK PAPER SCISSORS 2010/11)

STAB mag, Issue 44.

Richie Freeman for STAB mag

People die of common sense, one lost moment at a time.

Laws of the Universe, volume 1.

I get my good karma back in the form of really fast growing nails and hair and awesome car park-finding luck. 'Tis grand.

Sing it, Springfield!

I don't know what it is that makes me love you so, I only know I never wanna let you go. 'Cause you've started something, can't you see that every since you left you've had a hold on me. It's crazy but it's true, I only wanna be with you!