My old university roommate recently made his debut for the Queensland Reds, so I found myself in the unlikely role of crazed rugby fan at the opening game of the 2010 Super 14’s season.
I don’t know much about rugby union, but a Saturday night swilling beer with the boys and screaming myself hoarse while toothless, cauliflower-eared behemoths crashed headlong into each other seemed like an exciting relief from Brisbane’s style-o-philic bar scene.
The evening panned out a little differently to how I’d imagined. Not only did the male contingent of the group gallantly brave the bar queue to bring the girls our fruity cocktails, I hadn’t seen so many skin-tight jerseys and pompadour haircuts on a footy field since, well, State of Origin (we all know how those rugby league pretty-boys love a faux-hawk).
As I sipped my vodka soda and pondered the all-pervasive nature of fashion, line-outs, rolling mauls and a fairly magnificent try attempt on field competed for my attention with the presence of some very stylish punters in the stands. Checked shirts teamed with black skinny jeans and vintage Converse kicks patiently explained penalty decisions to well-heeled female companions; distressed denim and simple white tees paired back with bohemian man-jewellery and perfectly stubbled jawlines sipped lattes and nursed toddlers; and up on the corporate balconies, Hugo Boss suits lent steadying hands to women in teetering stilettos. Brixton fedoras perched atop effortlessly cool curls, asymmetrical hairstyles played up chiselled features and a tightly clipped profile highlighted the sun-soaked complexion and blue-eyed twinkle of a modern day Adonis. It was like sitting in on a GQ casting, only these weren’t models. They were real men.
It seems the days of the two dimensional male stereotype are over. You used to either be a blokey “man’s man”, or “…one of those honky, metro peacocks”, as one of my more rugged male friends once put it.
And while women were breathing a sigh of relief as “SNAG-ism” lost it’s appeal and the death of the “metrosexual” saw GHD straighteners and fake tan returned to the “hers” side of the vanity unit, men were left scratching their heads as to whether the pink shirt was still an acceptable wardrobe choice, or if picking up the dinner cheque would get him a second date or a slap.
According to Karen McIlveen and Madeene Brooks, co-founders of Grace Academy - a local finishing school which caters to men as well as women - the charm of yesteryear is making a comeback. Old-school etiquette and a gentile pride in the way we look and behave have been reinterpreted for the modern world, empowering women and making well-mannered, stylish men more desirable than ever.
“A man with polished manners and who knows how to dress, walk and talk, is perceived as being more appealing and confident, and is therefore more successful in his relationships,” says Ms Brooks.
This is a welcome relief for the men who tempted ridicule for even a remotely chivalrous gesture or a vague nod to sartorial elegance.
So how do men today navigate these unchartered waters without rocking the boat? Luckily there are some basics.
Ms McIlveen explains that a well-groomed, considerate man stands out in our post-grunge, hyper-casual society.
“Manners make all the difference,” she says, “Chivalry is about knowing how to make women feel at ease and appreciated.”
Gentlemanly manners on a date can range from simply holding a door open or insisting she have the last yummy bite of dessert, to escorting her down the street curbside, thus shielding her from such unthinkable calamities as bus-sprayed puddles. However, when it comes to the female view of male chivalry, one size doesn’t fit all.
“The modern man is all about striking a balance between being a gentleman and respecting a woman’s independence,” explains Ms Brooks.
As modern women, we work hard and are more than capable of paying our own way. Even so, at some point during a date, someone, somewhere, is going to hand over some cash, and the subject of payment can get a little awkward. To circumvent a snatch-and-grab for the cheque, or that painful, “oh no, I insist!” tug of war, conventional wisdom dictates that he - or she - who asks for the date, pays. However, experts agree it never diminishes a man's character to at least offer to pick up the tab.
"When people don't know each other very well, it's OK to revert to traditional gender roles,” says Melissa Kirsch, author of The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything. Although, “Once dating has been continuing apace for a while, there should be no awkwardness about the woman paying,” she adds.
Embracing man-style is far less complex, though not without its own set of unique challenges.
While women have had their tastes, style and personalities on show for the world in the clothes they wear, men have long been protected by the cloak and mask of unified dress regulations.
Today, there is a far broader range of fashion for men to choose from. This gives them an opportunity to inject a bit of personality into their wardrobes, and to interpret trends in their own way.
“I like a man who is aware of his own style and what looks good on him, without being consumed by it,” says 27-year-old Kylie from Kewarra Beach. “It can give you a bit of an idea about his personality, and says to me that he’s attentive, which is important in a relationship.”
“It has to come from him though,” adds 23-year-old Chelsea from North Cairns. I’ll give advice, but I’m not his mother and you can tell when a man is uncomfortable in what he’s wearing. Confidence is just as important.”
Professional surfer, 2010 Quicksilver Pro champion, iconic “man’s man” and unlikely fashion commentator Taj Burrow has also noticed the shift in how society views style and men.
“Put in too much effort and you’re labelled a princess. Too little and you’re out of your league,” he says.
Taj’s style tips include learning to tie your own tie, enlisting the help of a tailor to custom fit an off-the-rack suit, the importance of hydrated skin, good grooming and a signature scent, and keeping it simple in dark colours when in doubt.
“Plain gear is better most of the time, anyway. Dressing in black can make even a crook country kid like me look borderline sophisticated,” he jokes.
When it comes to being stylish with grace, subtlety reigns supreme. Keep it understated; prattling on about the designer he’s wearing, or the awesome deal he got on Ebay bespeaks a man of little class who’s trying way too hard to be impressive. Feign ignorance - true style is effortless.
Likewise, overdoing the chivalry routine — half-bowing as he holds the door or offering his arm with a flamboyant flourish — will at best make a man seem like a pitiful, slightly ridiculous fraud, better suited to chirping “Yes, ma’lady” at a jousting tournament.
As for me, the stoically single gal, I’m busy studying the intricacies of rugby union. Hey, after a week of editorial meetings, wardrobe malfunctions, parking tickets, university cramming, rude neighbors, fat days, road rage, deadline-induced deliria, a monsoonal deluge and the resulting frizzy hair emergency, what woman would say no to a little male pampering, a vodka and soda and a whole lot of eye candy.
- Lara Lavers for CairnsEYE Magazine, a little glossy published in sunny FNQ. xx
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